Thursday, December 28, 2006

Fun and Games...

Set your ipod/MP3 player to shuffle… Press play…. For every question, type the song that’s playing…. When you get to a new question, press next.

Voila… your life soundtrack. No cheating. :P

Opening credits: Take the Money and Run – Steve Miller Band

Go on take the money and run


(um... okay....we're off to an interesting start...)


Waking up: Tiptoe – Goldfrapp

You feel good… you feel right… mumble mumble…???


Falling in love: Middle of Nowhere – Hot Hot Heat

They chewed me up and then they spit me out
And I'm not supposed to let it bother me
But maybe I'm a little bit weak - I let my frailty take the wheel
She said, "Maybe there's a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby."


Fight song: Nothingman – Pearl Jam

Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...cant be taken back...


Breaking up: Killing in the Name of – Rage Against the Machine

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me


Making up: The Only Living Boy in New York – Simon and Garfunkel

Half of the time were gone but we don’t know where,
And we don’t know where…


Life’s okay: Cream – Prince

You’re so cool (Cool)
Everything you do is success
Make the rules (Rules)
Then break them all cuz you are the best

(c’mon… any song with sh-boogie bop in it HAS GOT to mean life’s okay)

Mental breakdown: The Cure – Just like Heaven
You…soft and only
you…lost and lonely
you…strange as angels
dancing in the deepest oceans
twisting in the water
you're just like a dream
Driving: Keep on Rockin me Baby – Steve Miller Band
I went from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma....  
(well... not REALLY)

Flashbacks: Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield
(oh shuddap)

Happy dance: The Metal – Tenacious D
(um… I have no idea how this actually made it onto my ipod… stupid shared computer)
Regret: Valentine’s Day – Steve Earle 

I know that i swore that i wouldn't forget
I wrote it all down: i lost it i guess
There's so much i want to say
But all the words just slip away


Final Battle: Saving Grace – Tom Petty

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?


Death scene: Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

If I lay here, if I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

Final credits: World Wide Suicide – Pearl Jam

And in all the madness. Thought becomes numb and naive.
So much to talk about. Nothing more to say.

*Just so ya know... It was REALLY hard not to cheat for a few of these.... I have soooooo many songs that would have fit so damn perfect for a couple scenes. Dangit.


Wednesday, December 27, 2006

why is doing the "right" thing so damn hard sometimes?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Bold faced

Me? I like being busy. I'm the happ-happiest girl in the world. Look at me. I'm sure smiley. Fun, sunshine and roses... Yup. Couldn't be more satisfied with everything and everyone in it. I'm the luckiest gal in the world. The luckiest.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

The Institution

Holy Hell… the sun isn’t up yet and somehow I am. My head’s overflowing a little bit… can’t sleep. So I’m gonna do some stream of consciousness brain dump thing here. Bare (bear?) with me. (or go away if you’d prefer). Suit yourself. (bare… bear… suit… heehee)

I’m thinking about marriage. Not about me GETTING married (God no… we’ve discussed my feelings on that before) but MARRIAGE itself. What it is, what it’s supposed to be.

In some twisted way, marriage to me is equated with saying, “I’m willing to give up my happiness for you”. I’m sure that’s a fucked up way to look at it. I mean, I’m sure no one goes into a marriage thinking that’s really what they’re doing. I think the idea is that you get married because it’s supposed to BRING you happiness. You don’t want to live without this person in your life, you cannot be happy unless he or she is at your side… until…uh oh… one day you discover that you cannot be happy WITH them at your side. But you stay anyway… y’know… cuz you promised.

Yeah… and people wonder why I have no interest in wearing a big fat diamond on my hand?

I find that sooooo many people make that promise and then somehow gradually (or suddenly, who knows?)… CHANGE their minds. Fuck. Not because they’re bad people or selfish or anything like that… but just because maybe it’s a fool’s errand to offer yourself to someone else in this way. I mean, how can you commit your LIFE to someone else and expect that it will bring you happiness?

And if you do… if you SINCERELY believe that you cannot live your life without this person, where they truly mean enough to you at any point in time that you are willing to forego all else for him or her, how can you just CHANGE YOUR MIND? This person meant SO much to you at one time, but not anymore? Huh?

“Ya, hon, this marriage thing has been great and all, but as it turns out, I’m not happy. I know I promised to be your partner til death parts us (etc etc) but this ain’t working for me anymore. You can have the blender if I get the crock pot. See ya around”.

I just don’t get it. What’s love worth anyway… if it really isn’t a permanent state? What’s the point of a promise you don’t keep? That maybe you CAN’T keep? That, if you DO keep it, it means eventually giving up the one and only thing you can really have in this life… your SELF. But wait, that’s the promise, right? I love you so much that I give you my everything. I give you ME.

See? I don’t want to give ME to anyone. Fuck. It’s all I’ve got. And yet, even without ever so much as trying on a pretty white dress, I’ve managed to give up my life in my promises to another.

I know. I hate this side of me. I'm not trying to burst any bubbles, and please, if there's a better or more truthful way to look at things, help me to open my eyes. I really don’t TRY to be such a fatalist. I just don’t see how it’s not doomed. Well… maybe DOOMED isn’t the word. I just think people are continually looking for what will make them happy… when the truth is, what makes us happy at one moment, may be the very thing that will make us sad in the future. And really, we can’t possibly predict what those things will be. All we have are feelings, instincts, rationalizations to steer us and sometimes we wind up horribly lost.

All I want is a fucking map. Hell, at least point me in the right direction! Til then, I’m not moving.

*BTW: I believe in love! I believe in happiness! I just don't believe in marriage as a means for securing either. Thank you. That is all.

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