done gone crazy

I bought a book today. I wanted something to take my mind off "things" and a little light reading seemed like just the thing. I made the most random grocery store book aisle selection possible and grabbed a paperback. "Stupid and Contagious" it was called. Seemed appropriate enough.

You know those moments when the universe just seems to scream at you?

Yeah.....

I didn't even make it through the first chapter before the cosmos got all up in my face and started hollering that I'm an IDIOT.

The uncanny references started out small enough... (incidentally, these will no doubt seem EXTREMELY random to anyone reading this, but believe you me, each and every one of them is tied inextricably to some very big questions in my life and/or things I've said or done in the past year). It was EERIE.

First, there was something about thirtysomething indie-rock geeks. Ha. Sounded kinda familiar. Next, a joke about that eighties flick "Say Anything". Ha ha. coincidence.

I turned another page... John Cusack. Ooh... kinda weird... but he WAS in "Say Anything" after all, so it wasn't THAT strange that his name made it into the book. Immediately after though, Nick Hornby novels were mentioned. Shit.... I had to check the author again. Does this woman KNOW me? Nah. She knows her audience is all. coincidence. Just coincidence.

But then! THEN... it got weirder... Fear of flying... Motley Crue... Hmmm. Odd, I thought. But no. It wasn't just odd. There were more... A "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" anecdote, a guy named Marko, "Cars" by Gary Numan, S&M PR company, the KISS army (!!), "a reason, a season or a lifetime". OMG... not Rick James... Holy shit. Are you fucking kidding me?

How, for the LOVE OF PETE, did all these references to the last year of MY LIFE make it into this book??? Am I that unoriginal??? Well, I probably am. But STILL...

I mean, logically, I would be drawn to a book that is relevant to me, right? But I just grabbed this book... based solely on the title (I KNOW, I have such distinguishing taste) and the fact that it happened to be sitting in front of me while I shopped. Why, despite my best efforts to the contrary, did I select a book that would have a staggering number of reminders of the very things I was trying to forget?

Did I choose this book? Or, omigod, did it CHOOSE ME!??

............................?


Yeah.

ENOUGH ALREADY UNIVERSE!
I hear you, okay?

All or nothing.

But I don't have all of me to give.

I'm not whole.

I'm fragments.

Pieces.

Not whole.

Hole.

Empty.

A black hole.

Nothingness that will suck you in.

I will give you no choice.

You will feel this.

I will make you feel special and needed.

You are.

Without you, all I can see is the nothing.

I will take all that you have to give and I shall never be satisfied.

There is never enough to fill this void.

All or nothing.

All I have is nothing.

You can have it all.