Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Growing Pains

I saw my first boyfriend the other night for the first time in 12 years. It was beyond bizarre. He's shorter than I recalled. He wears glasses. He's married – a pharmacist now. And he's everything and nothing like I remember.

As soon as I saw him, I went into a nervous sweat. It was just too weird. We hugged and shared some awkward small talk, but how do you really begin to catch up on twelve years? Hell if I know.

There was a group of us there, all graduates of the same tiny little elementary school and we sat marveling at the changes in one another, all adults now. Professionals, many of us with children and/or spouses, and we were catapulted back to a time when we used to chase each other around the school yard, the girls stealing ball caps and the boys snapping bra straps. God, It was forever ago.

We shared memories, each of us having forgotten some of the more embarrassing stories about ourselves, and laughed at who we used to be. I mean, honestly, did I really write that love note to our fifth grade teacher's intern? Groan... I felt a little exposed at how much knowledge these people had of my past, as though I was the only one who was supposed to remember those things.

Don't get me wrong, it was really nice, but there were more than a few surreal moments. I was painfully aware of how different the person I am now is from who I used to be. It was as though I'd forgotten so much about myself just through the passage of time, that it eventually ceased to be true.

It's funny to think of me then… at the only time in my life that I was not defined by my job, my spouse, and my child. And yet, I don't know who I am anymore now than I did then.

I keep wondering what it will take for me to figure it out.

// posted by 143 @ 12:39 PM




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