Sunday, October 05, 2008

hurt so good

I’m figuring something out… I think I need pain more often than I'd like to admit. Maybe it sounds a little twisted, but hear me out… I don’t mean it in a necessarily masochistic sort of way (though sometimes I do like that) but I have a growing appreciation for pain as the impetus for learning, growth, and change.

At the gym, I only know I’m working hard enough when it hurts a little. No pain, no gain, right? And it feels so good when you’re done...when you’ve suffered through, but did it ANYWAY. I always like that pain, standing there, dripping with sweat, chest heaving with exhaustion and a quiet smile of accomplishment on your face.

When I’m in emotional pain… I obsess. I think about things over and over again, trying to understand the meaning of it all. I become a bit of an artist (though not necessarily a good one), searching for ways to format my personal epiphanies. I’m touched by songs, paintings, poetry and I have a depth of awareness that, while crippling sometimes, strangely enriches who I am. I gain enormously in empathy for others and, my principles, values and personal beliefs are truly tested. In that way, I guess there is a part of me that likes this kind of pain too.

I know an affinity for pain must sound ridiculous, but when you look at life as a series of obstacles where you are struggling, clutching and clawing your way though, looking to grow, learn, and ultimately reach your destination, pain is not always such a bad thing. You are motivated by the pain in the moment, a need to push through and get to a different place.

When there is no pain… what motivates a person to grow? How can I find a way to let myself be happy without losing all I have learned in the past few years? How can I continue to grow…….





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